Tag Archives: angst

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

Every couple-three years, I go through months of angst about my job, my place in the world, my goals for the future. I try to look closely at where I am and where I’m going versus where I want to head.

Hey! Guess what time it is?

I hope that everyone goes through a period of self-introspection and evaluation from time-to-time. I also hope that it’s more useful and rewarding — and less confusing and discouraging — than it is for me.

I tend to get wrapped up in endless loops of “I could do this, but I don’t like that part of it, so maybe I should look at that; no, nevermind – it’s hard” and never settle on something.

I’m learning, though.

I’m learning that sometimes, maybe even most of the time, things aren’t clear, and you just have to make a choice. Do research, compare, contrast, plan, whatever; but choose.

I’m learning that by making a choice and focusing on it, I can make a lot more progress than I can by trying to make sure everything is perfect before I go anywhere.

I’m learning that the more I can focus on one thing at a time, the more ground I can cover. Yes, the world is full of amazing, beautiful things. Yes, I’m interested in understanding almost all those things. Professionally speaking, though, I need to choose. one. thing.

You’d think that with a windup like that, my closing will be a doozy.

Nope.

I’m still working on making that choice.

 

 

 

 

 

Un-cool

I just checked on a site that I built — for free — for some friends who have a little non-profit organization they run. I redesigned their site from the ground up, I battled Yahoo! for six weeks to get their domain name released, I put the whole shootin’ match into a nice little CMS, and I hosted it for more than half a year, all for free, because they’re good people doing a good thing.

Except when they turn around try to screw me.

When I went to the site, I noticed that they had some other developer rebuild (again) their site. This hack person totally ripped off my design, put the site back in tables, and put his (?) name on it. At least it’s on his server. I’d like to send him (and CC my friends) a nasty-gram explaining in great detail what bad form it is to steal my work. I’d like to send my friends a slightly-less-nasty-gram asking them WTF?

I think I’m pissed off because I put a hell of a lot of time into this project, and to have this kind of outcome feels like I’ve totally failed. It feels like I’ve failed as a developer by making a site my clients (friends) weren’t happy with, and it feels like I failed as a friend by (apparently) screwing up what could have been a nice gift for them. I think the worst part is that they didn’t even bother to email or call me and say something like, “Gosh, aj, we really appreciate what you tried to do for us, but we’ve decided to go in a different direction. Thanks for all your work.” Even, “Man, aj, you suck! Go get a real job,” would have been better that the whole lot of nothing they gave me.

Any thoughts on how to approach this garbage?

Tryin’ to sit this bronc

I really *want* to be a good blogger. I’d *like* to post regular witty thingamajigs that keep you entertained – maybe even laughing – while (hopefully) shining a little beam of insight into the nooks of life. But that’d mean…you know…actually posting regular, insightful, entertaining material.

I figure I’ll maybe start like Jerry Seinfeld and publish this post about nothing, then go on to something from there. After all, sometimes you just have to start.